People like snappy theme songs.
A song that will heat things up.
Wow. Have I got a song.
Susan Olsen is, Wikipedia tells us, an American former child actress, animal welfare advocate, radio host and creator of pop art.
To a couple of generations of television sitcom connoisseurs, though, Susan will be forever known, in globally syndicated re-runs at any time of day or night until the end of time, as the "adorable, heart stealing, pigtail wearing youngest sibling" of one of America's most beloved, genuine and sincere fictional families, The Brady Bunch.
The once upon a time Cindy Brady is also a Facebook friend of mine, but, in the spirit of full disclosure, she's one of those Facebook friends that we all have because we all know somebody personally who is a Facebook friend to someone else who knows somebody who knows somebody who is a mutual friend of somebody who friend requested somebody who is famous and their name showed up in that "people you might know" dealio and you take what you figure is a long shot at friend requesting them and, bada bing, next thing you know you can say, with unimpeachable honesty, that you and "pick a famous name" are Facebook friends.
Truth is, I've never met, nor actually spoken to Ms. Olsen, although we have traded comments a few times on our respective posts and or comments.
Because, did I mention this?....we're Facebook friends.
Susan ( I can call her Susan, you see, because we're Facebook friends) is a pretty outspoken former child actress, animal welfare advocate, radio host and creator of pop art and, currently, one of Donald Trump's most vocal supporters, partly, I imagine, because she, like any of us, sees things as she rightfully chooses to see them and partly, I imagine, because it makes for good pot stirring when hosting talk radio.
Trust me, I'm jiggy wit' the method to Susan's madness there, ya know?
Yesterday, in part of an ongoing discussion she is having on Facebook regarding protests at Trump rallies in general and, in particular, that guy who rushed the stage at a recent Trump rally only to find himself somewhat discouraged from any real forward motion by the Secret Service, Susan posted a little, useful good to know factoid.
"FYI", she posts, "according to HR347, it is illegal to protest anywhere that the Secret Service is present."
For those not hip to the jargon, "HR" stands for House Resolution, as in House of Representatives.
And for those Trump supporters who own white hoods and/or feel their patriotic duty is to sucker punch people in the crowd, "FYI" stands for For Your Information.
What caught this show host/Facebook friend of Susan Olsen's eye, though, wasn't the usual banter/back and forth between Susan and her commenters/guests regarding the concept of protest or the House Resolution or even the garden variety verbal badminton played with the birdie of the admittedly surreal Trump candidacy.
No, what made me go, hmm, was a brief exchange between two of the thread participants.
"Give it a rest", one lady offered up, "Your man Trump will only be king of the bigots."
To which a young lady replied, in the spirit of this election that we've all come to feel wrapped around us like a Snuggie on a January Minneapolis night, "you're a moron and your opinion is irrelevant do to your ignorance."
Well, now, there's some more of that insightful, introspective and erudite discourse that is making America more impressive than ever in the eyes of the global community.
But it wasn't the usual, sadly predictable, Robert DeNiro "eff me?....no, eff YOU" tone of the exchange that made me go, hmm.
It was the little, easily overlooked, but undeniably undeniable splash of irony hiding right there in plain sight in the young lady's critique of the first lady's comment.
She correctly used the word "you're" and not the too often used "your" where the word "you're" was appropriate.
She correctly used the word "your" and not the too often used "you're" where the word "your" was appropriate.
She spelled both the words "irrelevant" and "ignorance" correctly.
And then....there it is.
" your opinion is irrelevant do to your ignorance."
Do to your ignorance.
D.
O.
For those Trump supporters who own white hoods and/or feel their patriotic duty is to sucker punch people in the crowd, the correct spelling of the word she obviously mean to use is
D.
U.
E.
Okay. So it's a little thing, a picky thing.
Even, as my Tennessee family and friends like to say, "pickin' fly poop outta pepper".
But you and I both know what they say about little things.
And there is something delightfully dark and uniquely American in this "through the looking glass year" of 2016 about someone who manages to exhibit, simultaneously, an instantly intolerant response to another's intolerance, criticize someone's insulting comments by responding with insulting comments and, best, and most deliciously ironic of all, attempt to immolate ignorance by illustrating ignorance.
Oh, yeah, for those Trump supporters who own white hoods and/or feel their patriotic duty is to sucker punch people in the crowd, "immolate" means "set fire to"
Come to think of it.....
It is delightfully dark.
And it is American, at least, in the looking glass year of 2016.
But, it's really not all that unique is it?
As a matter of fact, it's not even all that unusual, anymore.
In fact, it's actually a fairly common occurence.
You can see a whole lot of it, as it turns out, at, say, Trump rallies.
Throughout the assembled gathering of participants and/or worshippers.
But for an unequaled presentation of those deliciously dark skills....
...just keep your eyes and ears locked like a laser on that fellow at the podium.
Now, that guy...
...that guy is a slam dunk when it comes to immolating a crowd.
And as far as a snappy campaign theme song?
Got you covered.
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