Monday, March 28, 2016

"...Keep Hands And Feet Away From Mower Blades...And Flying Mower Blades..."

Apparently, that whole "cold, dead fingers" thing is now officially out of fashion.

More on that in a minute.

First, in our news today...





Well, let's get the tasteless, but inevitable, silliness out of the way.


1.What's a redneck's last words?

"Hey!.....watch this..."

What's his buddy's last words?

"Awww, hell....I can do that..."


2. ...and this week's winner of the Darwin award......

3.  Guns don't kill people.....people who first shoot a lawn mower filled with Tannerite that blows up and takes off their leg kill people.


Okay.

Cleansing breath.

Ooops..

Hold on.

A little more silliness to dispense with.






Wow.

By the way, if you're an aspiring late night comedy writer, there's one line in that video there that just screams for a couple dozen punch lines.

Let's hear that one again....

"....forcing attendees to leave their firearms at home puts tens of thousands of people at risk both inside and outside of the convention site...."

As opposed, of course, to the tens of thousands of people who stand a pretty good chance of getting critically wounded or killed if and/or when things turn to shit during the convention.

Like, should, for example, Donald not get the nomination on the first ballot.

Or...at all.

Again....

Wow.

Follow up stories on the pistol packin petition now quote knowledgeable sources as saying that the petition, in fact, simply started out as a joke

The instigators of the "joke" said they were hoping for about 5000 signatures.

Or, more accurately, shooting for about 5000 signatures.

To the moment, they've bagged about 30,000 signatures.

Give or take.

Bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

So, turns out that the petition, that started out as a joke to make a point, has somehow gotten a little out of control.

Which makes the petition, of course, just like the Trump campaign.

That started out as a joke to make a point.

And has somehow gotten a little out of control.

For those of you who are primed, ready and/or half cocked in anticipation of firing back at me as I lock and load and pull the trigger on yet another 2nd Amendment debate, holster your weapon there, buckaroo and keep your powder dry.

No debate being detonated here today.

First, because even a blind man could see that those debates almost always fall on deaf ears.

Mixed metaphors, notwithstanding.

But, mainly, because all the conversation in the world isn't going to change a couple of chiseled in stone attitudes about life in these here United States in these here days of getting ready to make America Great Again.

What Patrick Henry said.

"Give me liberty...or give me death..."

And what Forrest Gump said.

"Stupid is as stupid does."

As to the liberty and death thing, only time will tell if giving Republicans the liberty to lock and load at convention time will result in any death.

As to the stupid thing?

Well, for that, I think you've gotta go back into the woods with your buddies and your lawn mower and your Tannerite.

And your rifle.

You know.

To shoot that thang.

And blow that shit up.

Meanwhile, when the dust and leaves and shrapnel all settle, only one thing will be fifty caliber clear.

That whole "cold dead fingers" thing is, obviously and totally, out of fashion.

And in its place, a new rallying cry for those who live by, and limp by, the gun.

"We'll give our right arm...wait, make that right leg....before we let them take our guns."

Fun pop quiz..

What rhymes with pathetic?

Prosthetic.

Again...

Wow.







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