"...Hail To The Chief Will Now Conclude With A Resounding And Patriotic Ba Dum Bump..."

(NOTE: the language used in this piece could be considered, by some, to be profane and/or offensive. Readers are advised to have their young children standing by to explain to them what the fuck all those words mean)


Thomas Marshall had a pretty good handle on what the country needed.

Marshall, Vice President under Woodrow Wilson in the early 1900's, was well known for his wit and sense of humor, never illustrated any better than during a Senate debate of the time.

In response to Senator Joseph Bristow's catalog of the nation's needs, Marshall quipped the often-repeated phrase, "What this country needs is a really good five-cent cigar", provoking laughter amongst those gathered.

Thomas Marshall was a funny guy.

During last night's gathering of the GOP candidates (ED NOTE: uh, we're through calling these comedy cavalcades "debates", cause, after all, I mean, come on....) Donald Trump took mock umbrage with one of his fellow rim shot sidekicks who had made a disparaging allusion to the relationship between the size of the Donald's hands and the size of the Donald.


I have to say this. He hit my hands. Nobody has ever hit my hands. I have never heard of this. Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands if they are small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee you."


...provoking laughter amongst those gathered.

Social media, as even Helen Keller would expect, exploded with an avalanche of derision and disgust, annoyance and aghastness at the low brow, wait, check that, low crotch humor displayed at such an important, even historical, occasion.

Yeah, yeah, future of mankind, blah, blah, leader of the free world, yada yada.

Come on, America, it's time to resign ourselves to the inevitable and get jiggy wit the wit and wisdom of everybody's favorite Joker....

"...why so serious..?"

After all, it's not like the country is in danger of becoming a laughing stock around the world, at least, the world that we'd still, theoretically, like to be a part of.

We've already got that covered, man.

But, no worries, mates, because we all know that they're all either too stuffy or too lame or too ready to come over here and slit our national throat for us to give a shit about them.

And it's not like hearing Donald amusingly allude to the dimensions of his dick in the context of a discussion among those asking to be the one to decide the fate of a nation for the next four years should give any pause to parents who are trying to raise kids in a Kardashian culture to exhibit manners or graciousness or, God forbid, class.

Where the fuck is the funny in that?

Really, people, let's get serious.

No, wait, scratch that.

Let's knock it off with all that serious shit.

And try to retrieve one of those oh so important qualities key to our survival as a species.

As, I have a feeling, our good friend, the witty, once upon a time, Vice President of the United States might put it...

...what this country needs is a sense of humor.

Lighten up, America.

Donald Trump is a funny guy.

And he's obviously not going anywhere any time soon.

Except very possibly into an office with a unique roundish sort of design.

Now, that.....

That's some funny shit.