And, not feeling particularly in the mood to check Facebook or re-check Facebook or watch any and/or all episodes of any and/or all versions of Law and Order on TBS, TNT, WE or Sundance, I decided to take a few minutes to contribute something to mankind.
Here you go.
Let's put a stop to the silliness, wackiness, oh, hell, let's just call it what it is, the God awful, gnarly mess of the American political process, most especially where it pertains to the way we elect a President of the United States.
Yes, I know, you're thinking, my God, don't I realize what a complex labyrinth we're talking about here and what it would take to revamp a system so multi-layered, so intricately designed and implemented that there are thousands of books and, probably, hundreds of college level courses that deal only with that system itself?
Sure I did.
And, it turns out, actually, not so much.
And, by "not so much", I'm talking about what it would take to revamp a complex labyrinth of a system so multi-layered, so intricately designed and implemented that there are thousands of books and, probably, hundreds of college level courses that deal only with that system itself.
Here's what it would take.
And, only because it's an election year and any candidate worth his pillar of salt would go to the time and trouble of having one of his or her people go to the time and trouble of coming up with, say, a "five point plan" to save the nation and/or mankind, I feel like I should get in the spirit of things and offer my "what it would take" here this way.
My two point plan.
1. Eliminate the existing primary/caucus system.
2. Eliminate the Electoral College.
There you go.
All done.
Now I didn't just fall off the turnip truck and, no, I'm not crazy.
My mother didn't have me tested, but there were no tests for crazy when I was a kid.
Back then, we were just told to shut up, sit up straight, eat our vegetables, clean our rooms and don't be crazy or else.
And, the "or else" was largely about a "when your father gets home" kind of thing.
In a time when that kind of thing had some clout.
Long before kids had Child Services, child rearing "experts" and an expectation of a trophy just for showing up to neuter that clout.
As far as elaboration of the fine points of my two point plan are concerned, there are, actually, four ways that could go.
Let's call that my four point option plan.
1. I could talk for hours about the minutiae of every little nuance of every little shred, shard and/or sliver of the primary points in a manner guaranteed to either turn you off completely, drive you away in droves or send you clicking your way back to Facebook and/or any and/or all episodes of any and/or all versions of Law and Order on TBS, TNT, WE or Sundance,
2. I could simply fall back on the fashionable, apparently very popular, explanatory style of Donald Trump and just tell you "hey, I'm gonna just do it, okay. And it will be great. I'm gonna make a great deal and it will be great. Cause I'm just gonna do it, okay?"
3. I could send you in the direction of some well written essays that echo my two point plan and offer a little more detail than I'm inclined to offer you here. (PS...a link to one of those articles is included at the end of this piece)
4. I could give you a simple little synopsis of both points of my original two point plan.
Yeah, let's go with that.
Presented, of course, in a manner that assures as much comprehension as possible, given the current American attention span and the fact that it's been almost three, maybe four, minutes since I told you what the two point plan is.
Point number one.
Eliminate the existing primary/caucus system.
Election year 2016, with its endless, and seemingly perpetual, cavalcade of debates, town halls, forums, etc, etc, yada, blah, blah, ad nauseum has made it clear we need a way to whittle down the choices for the two main candidates as soon, for the love of God, as humanly possible. The existing primary/caucus system just drags that out.
And drags and drags and drags.
And tries to create a clear picture for us by taking thousands of little tiles, shaking them up in one of those big drums they used to use to pick contest winners on TV, drawing them out handfuls at a time, and then throwing them at a sticky board in hopes that clear picture will emerge all on its own.
There's an oldie but goodie metaphor involving a wall and throwing shit against it that rings a bell here, but let's stay on point.
Point one of the two point plan calls for elimination of the existing primary system by replacing with a simple, single activity.
National Primary Day.
Any and all of the qualified candidates (and how do we qualify them?....people, please, look around you, when have we ever "qualified" anyone?") would be on the ballot at your local fire hall, school cafeteria, wherever you usually cast your ballot and you, yes, you, you crazy properly registered, voter ID carrying member of that one of a kind mob, "the American people" would vote for your top two favorites.
Of course, if we wanted to increase voter turnout by making it more fun, we could incorporate some of the more well known methods of eliminating contestants and/or choosing winners in our culture.
Spin a Price Is Right prize wheel.
Have the candidates participate in a Survivor-esque tribal council, "vote their ass" off the island/ballot challenge of some kind.
Oh. Wait, here's a fun one.
Have the candidates give the first thirty seconds of their stump speeches and we either hit that big red button to turn our big red chairs around.
Or we don't.
All I would demand in any of those scenarios would be the prohibiting, in any way, of the presence of Ryan Seacrest.
"and...your top two favorite candidates...........................right after the break."
Once the votes are tabulated, bada bing.
In the words of the noted political analyst, Agatha Christie, "then, there were two."
Point number two.
Eliminate the Electoral College.
This debate has been going on for, literally, decades now. And while the original premise leading to the original concept of it was appropriate for its time, (Google it and read about it if you're unaware or uninformed) the concept of the Electors and their College needs to go the way of the Pony Express, the 8 track tape and any of that crap that Seth McFarlane keeps churning out.
Yeah, I know, McFarlane's crap is current and contemporary, but as long as we're tossing out crap...
The two remaining candidates, chosen on that National Primary Day that we just talked about, like, really, just two minutes or so ago, would be on the Election Day ballot.
And we, the people, the whole people and nothing but the people, so help us, God, would choose between those two.
What? Do the big red chair thing again?
Grow up. Electing a President is serious business.
Let's not turn this thing into a circus, okay?
First, our status as a shining example of the dignified, passionate, but intelligent, choice of the leadership of the free world is to be maintained at all times.
And it's the circus that the thing has become that we're trying to do away with here.
One last thought.
Many of you are probably wondering why I didn't use my time and talents to tackle some of the more pressing challenges of life in the year 2016 and chose, instead, to take on revamping of our presidential election system.
Due respect, it's a silly question.
Because I told you at the outset.
I had just a few minutes to kill.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/23/we-should-scrap-state-primaries-presidential-race
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